I, Justin Meserve, am a poser. I spend easily 80% of my climbing time in the comfort of a gym, pulling on plastic shapes devised by artists, sadists, or both. And much in the same way you’ve seen me geek out on climbing VHS tapes, I am also a minor climbing hold aficionado. Climb in the gym long enough, and you will start to recognize individual shapes, then series, companies, and shapers. Some you will love, some you will hate, and some you will love to hate. You will learn their individual names, both those that make sense (Molecule, The Boss, Talons), and those that don’t (looking at you 1000PV). Rather than go on a diatribe about the ridiculous nature of duck pinches, I want to run a quick top 5 favorites, top 5 most hated, and mostly tell a sappy story. Onto it then:
Justin’s 5 Least Favorite Holds:
5. E-Grips 1000PV – In 12 years I have never figured out how to hold this thing right.
4.Anything from Metolious – I know they are targeted to the home woodie crowd, but I just can’t find a shape I like.
3. Rock Candy Tunnel Rats Pockets – Shallow edges, too tight a radius to comfortably fit more than 3 fingers in, and built in such a way I can only open hand them. Ick.
2. Kilter Medium Slots – Insecure, rounded, shallow edges.
1. Monos – Atleast Atomik is honest, “None of us here at Atomik train on monos nor will we ever “
Justin’s 5 Favorite Holds:
5. Etch’s Feature Holds – Earth Treks was my home gym when ETCH was in full swing, so these will always hold a place in my heart.
4. Teknik Wrap Round Slopers – Oh so comfy meat wraps, even on overhanging terrain.
3. Rock Candy Pillows – Useful from any variety of angles, meat wrapped, pinched, or slopered.
2. Anything by Jason Kehl – I find Jason Kehl to be a super inspiring figure, and his shapes are legendary. No person has had an impact on shapes like Jason, and his Chunks, Bubs, Chubs, and Spheroids for So Ill all fit me just right. He shaped The Molecule and others for Pusher!
1. The Boss – How could it be anything else? As surely as Midnight Lightning is the most iconic boulder problem in North America, The Boss is the quintessential feature hold.
Story time:
I started climbing in the gym once a month or so when I could afford to, and get a ride, sometime around 2003. By 2004 I was sending V2 in my 5.10 Spires, and entered the citizens comp at the shiny new climbing gym in Timonium, MD, taking an impressive 10th in the Novice class (V0-V2). In both the Timonium and Columbia gyms there hangs a panorama shot that I slipped into like Waldo.
That night, the best of the best went head to head for the Petzl Rock Comp as I watched starry-eyed. A number of the ten men completed the first of four problems. The second stopped all but two, the insanely powerful Steven Jeffery, and Rock God Chris Sharma. Then, Problem 3….. the second to last hold was this large, blue, sloping, triangular monster. Three men touched it, but only eventual winner Chris Sharma hung onto it long enough to move off it to the finish. That hold was the Teknik NKR1. A strange name, until you realize its the Pro Model hold of Nels Kristoff Rosaasen. Many of you have no idea who that is, so let me explain. Nels absolutely crushed the PCA tour competitions back in the day, up to and including being the first man to beat Chris Sharma at a PCA comp (and then win 4 more!). So, for Chris Sharma to assert his dominance over the field, hanging off a hold named for the rare creature that had bested him previously, was somewhat poetic. That hold is easily visible in the panorama shot that hangs in ET Timonium.
Fast forward to 2016. I still go to that gym, and its taken a dozen years but I have gone from Top 10 in Novice, to making finals in the Open category on rare occasion, so long as enough other crushers stay home. Timonium was liquidating a large selection of older holds to make room for new stock. There in the bottom of the box, lie a big plastic monster. A faded baby blue, chipped, scuffed, Teknik NKR1. Could it be? Was this THE hold? Its the right color, its the right gym. I don’t have a chain of custody or a pedigree for it, but you know what, I choose to believe it is the very same shape that is so firmly welded in my memory. And now its mine, all mine.
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| Come over sometime and I’ll let you grope it. |
Justin Meserve is a sentimental old fool who is always on the lookout for cheap deal on rare artifacts that are of unspeakable value to only him.
