Karma finally caught up with me.

For years, I’ve shielded my ego by making excuses. I’ve written long articles on excuses. They became an addiction. It wasn’t my fault, I over-trained. I could have sent if it wasn’t so warm. I would have sent if I hadn’t twisted my ankle earlier that week. I chose discretion over valor and backed off that highball. My shoes had a hole in them. My pants have a hole in them.

But eventually the ego grew too powerful. To twist a Gore Vidal quote, “Its not enough to succeed, others must fail”. I wasn’t content ‘doing my own thing’ anymore. I needed to do better than those I perceived myself to be better than. When I failed at that, the excuses migrated. They were no longer focused on some minor deficiency of self, but on some “unfair” advantage of others.

At 5’7″, I’m not that that short for a dude (25th percentile), and taller than most of the women I climb with (90th percentile!), but I still seethed at the #tallnotstrong crowd. My broad shoulders embittered me to the spider-limbed people rocking the Dave Graham build. Now halfway through my 30s (technically an “Ancient Hard Person” by some competition standards), the teens half my age weren’t good, they were just young, free of the pressures that adulthood brings.

And then it happened. Some curious climber solicited me for what beta I had used to surpass their previous highpoint. Before I could regale them with the details of my exquisitely crafted choreography, a mutual friend cut in, “don’t mind him, he’s just strong” [paraphrased].

Just like that, summarily dismissed. A decade and a half of exploring this sport, waved away on account of my muscles.

It hurt a little.

Not because I feel like I’ve earned these muscles through rigorous training, quite the opposite. My genetics allow me to get a surprising amount of “gainz”, while putting comparatively little work in. I’m durable as hell. I got a stable enough life I can afford the gym and the roadtrip when it suits me. I had just as many gifts and privileges as those I’d previously dismissed, if not more, and now that the mirror was held in front of me, I winced a little.

And I needed that. A kick in the ass to remember that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. The bit of role-reversal made it clear dismissing others gains me nothing – if anything it let me off the hook. Not having one natural advantage or another doesn’t mean I should throw my hands up, but that I should work harder to create the way that works for me. And with a little further introspection, it hammered home what I should have realized at the start of this article – Comparison is the Thief of Joy. By viewing my climbing in the context of others, instead of as standing on its own, I was creating an PrideMonster that was never going to be satisfied.

Have I shed my ego completely since this revelation? Absolutely not. But I do pause a beat before (ok, after) mentally dismissing others, and ask myself why I feel threatened, or jealous, and what I can work on to close that gap – whether it be another few reps in the gym, or just adjusting my attitude. Being dismissed to my face might have sucked in the moment, but it revealed how unfair my unspoken dismissals of others were, so for that, I am thankful.

Now if you don’t mind, I’m gonna go put in a few more reps.

Vegeta is a guest author channeled to help say what needs…saiyan.