Finally, Justin reviews a film that’s not about bouldering.  Do you love hand jams and finger locks?  Is Odub your favorite rapper?  Do you have to buy a new roll of tape every 2 weekends?  Do you think Sport Climbing is neither?  If you answered yes to any of the above, Return2Sender might be the film for you! If you answered yes to all of them, I’m not sure you’d ever be friends with me.

Chapter 1, ‘The Fundamentals’, runs the viewer through examples of crack widths progressively wider; fingers, ring locks, hands, offwidths.  Each segment is presented by a respectable climber, interviewed about their forte by ‘tour guide’ Timmy, and then shown in use on a route.  For a boulderer, this film makes my palms sweat.  I can hardly fathom clipping bolts, so seeing someone jam two fists into a crack just to invert, cam a single foot into the crack above their head, and then yard off that makes me want to puke.

Chapter 2, entitled ‘The Goods’, starts with a ridiculously awesome hula-hoop-slackline montage, followed by highlining. Back to climbing, we see the “race” for the second ascent of Air Sweden, a nails hard, R-rated route high above skipped anchor chains.  Next up is the high exposure of the Lightning Bolt Cracks.  Some people feed off that feeling, some of us (your humble reviewer included) clam up and cower in fear.  If that wasn’t bad enough on the nerves, a 300 foot, 5.11 onsight free solofollows.

THE WHO:
Timmy O’Neill, Renan Ozturk, Eric Decaria, Brittany Griffith, Didier Berthod, Jim Donini, Vera Shultze-Pelkum, Topher Donahue, Micha Dash, Jim Hurst

THE WHEREWHAT:
Indian Creek:

-Parallelojams

-Rubys Café 5.13- Fingers

-Think Pink 5.11 Hands

-Optimator 5.13 Ring Locks

-Broken Brain 5.12 Ring Locks

-The Serrator 5.11- Offwdith

-Belly Full of Bad Berries 5.13- Hand Stacks

-Air Sweden 5.13R

-Lightning Bolt Cracks 5.11

-From Switzerland, With Love

Boudlering with Cicada Jenerik, a 10 year old girl who is trying to boulder her age in Bishop, CA.  Not only is she a youngster crushing it, she’s also upfront about challenging stereotypes about women climbers. For a 10 year old, she seems self aware, and gives a very thoughtful interview.  Perhaps at times she states things a bit to simplistically, but maybe, just maybe the rest of us make things too complicated for ourselves in adulthood.

-Cindy Swank V8

-Low Rider V10

-The Pearl V6

Rebel Without a Rope – Mike Reardon.  This is a man who free-solos with a smile on his face, believing in full commitment.  No ropes, no crash pads, just him and his 8 foot eggshell – the space around him in the moment. It’s a calm solo though, staying clear of the “Adrenalized” zone.  He is also provides videographic evidence of what happens when you fly too close to that zone.  I was fortunate enough to hear him speak at a presentation shortly before his passing, and seeing this brought back the memory of being in the presence of the man, his philosophy so succinct – “Onsight barefoot naked free soloing is climbing, everything else is compromise”

-Drifter 5.12A

-Swamp Thinig 5.12C

-Kim Chi 5.11D

-EBGBs 5.10

-No Mistake or Big Mistake 5.11

-Presupposition 5.11D

-Birds of Fire 5.10

-Perro de le Guerra 5.12

Biscuit the Climbing Dog. Yep, a climbing dog.  Biscuit and Felix, two Jack Russells that move like mountain goats.  Have you ever seen a dog chimney up a flaring crack? Its ridiculous.

Mexico B.A.S.E. – I’m not going to lie, I have mixed feeling about BASE jumpings connection with climbing, having seen it claim a number of climbers in recent years.  That said, watching a body float down the gaping maw in the earth that is Cave of the Swallows is pretty impressive.

40 Days and 40 Nights – First free ascent of Nalumasortok with Timmy O’niell and Nathan Martin. Not going to lie, this segment didn’t resonate with me as much as the others, in part due to my unfamiliarity with alpine big walls, and in part due to my threshold for listening to Timmy’s descent (further) into madness and/or Russian gypsy guitar solos.

Holy crap that is a lot of review, thanks for sticking around.  At 100 minutes long, this film weaves through a lot of disparate facets of climbing and the climbing adjacent.  It’s a strange to see a film that’s packed in 2 parts, one a traditional climbing film about traditional climbing in a single location, and the second a mash-up of 5-10 minute long thoughts. Bonus, you get to see Timmy do what Timmy does best, beatbox while miming up a crack. And making condom jokes. And sniffing panties. For the laid-back crowd, Timmy’s non-stop energy can be overpowering and a bit off-putting, but it certainly doesn’t ruin the films.

Verdict: Borrow it, if you like trad.