You know what Jams my Cams?  Climbing partners, more specifically, losing climbing partners.

This is a fickle topic and let me start by saying that the primary focus here is not about the actual loss of a life, though that will be touched on and I encourage you all to share your stories in the comments.  The main point of this conversation is what happens when life simply gets in the way and you can no longer climb with someone.  I write this because as of the time of this posting, I am currently sharing my final session with one of, if not the, best partners I have ever had.

I have been climbing for 14 years, and while that is not as many as some, I would wager that, given the recent explosion of popularity for climbing, it is longer than most.  Consequently, I have had a lot of partners in trad, sport, TR, and bouldering.  Some of them have only been for one discipline, some have been across several, and very few (I can think of three) have been there for any kind of adventure.  I have had good and bad partners for each of these disciplines.  The good get to stay in the rotation and the bad probably will never be called upon to catch me ever again.  This distinction is entirely separate from what I think of you as a person because most climbers have good hearts and intentions, but just because you are fun to hang out with does not mean I will put my life in your hands.

Then there are the greats.  A good partner is someone that you trust and gets the job done.  I am sure that we all have a few partners that we probably consider “back-ups,” and while that sounds kind of derogatory, it simply means that you have specific preferences that they do not meet but are still safe [enough] and you like them enough to keep coming back.  The specific preferences I mentioned could be something as simple as their schedule does not match yours, maybe you have nothing to talk about except your current project, maybe it’s their age, gender, or values.  Basically, and I can’t stress this enough, they are good, but they are not great, and here is the most important part, for YOU.  They might make it to being great if you invest a little time, but I think the greats will happen naturally.

Think about your best partner, I mean really think about what made them so special and why time after time they were always at the top of your list to call for an adventure or just to session at the gym.  What was their top quality?  I bet I can guess.  It’s not that they knew how to belay, check your rig, tie a single-handed clove hitch, or knew of a secret spot (though that could be a contributing factor).  I am willing to bet that if you really thought about, they were the best partner because they were always psyched and supportive.  And it is not always about your most recent training session or your big project, they were supportive of the other aspects of your life as well.  Crazy work schedules and stories, job interviews, medical issues and injuries, your home life, the list goes on and on.  This is starting to sound like a relationship.  And that is exactly what it is, and one that is probably even more important you than your actual significant other.

Climbers talk about the “brotherhood of the rope” all the time.  Since there are different genders here, maybe the “familiarity of the rope” (as likened to family) is more appropriate.  I used to say that the most important thing in a climbing relationship was trust, and I still believe that is a factor and term that we can use, but there can be no trust if we do not feel supported.  It took me entire climbing career and finally facing a planned separation of partners to come to this broader yet simplified term.  Perhaps, though, that is the reason that two out of the three on my best partner list were also significant others, because we already supported each other outside of climbing.  As partners we care about each other.  Their goals are our goals, their frustrations are our frustrations, and their success is our success.

As our time together wound to a close I wondered why I was climbing at my best, ever.  Part of it is probably because I have spent the last four years developing my own training system and, after recovering from a non-climbing related back injury, I am seeing stupendous results (keep reading our CTC segment for more).  The other is that for the last three and a half years we have been building a relationship based on a mutual love of the sport, a compatibility of spirit, and respect.  Whether I am extraordinarily fatigued at the end of a training session, pulling hard on a project, or super run-out on the hardest 5.6 ever (thanks, Seneca) I am never worried.  I know she has me and I can focus on the movement and task with no creeping thoughts of doubt to distract me.  That is something you can not buy, rent, or own.  It is earned through trials and hardship.  It is granted to each other from the bottom of our hearts, not from our high-thinking brains.

We met on a bouldering trip through mutual friends and we just seemed to hit it off.  After the trip, we bouldered together, then top-roped, then sport climbed, and then finally some trad.  I am picky as hell and, I believe, with reason.  I have had missed spots while bouldering, been dropped on top-rope (I still can’t believe it either),  and separated my shoulder and broke my foot on [separate] bad sport belays, so for me, to become a trad partner, you have proven yourself across the board.  This kind of intimate relationship has always been important to me, though I expect many others, thanks to the booming popularity of the sport and relative safety of gym-think, rarely consider.  I see people tie in with any old sort, but I still reserve the right to be picky for my own safety and comfort.  Back to my current partner.  She put up with my crap for a long time, two and three days a week at the gym and outside.  I am a completionist and want to do everything I can from 5 stars to no stars because that in itself is an adventure.  I complain a lot about the culture of climbing and how it has changed in just the decade and half I have been around.  In my defense, I was taught in traditional style with an older mentor (who was taught by an older mentor) and then I even went to a school that contracted through Seneca Rocks Mountain Guides, so there was even more old school style with new school techniques.  The point is, she suffered through my ramblings and half-formed thoughts, testing of new training routines, and a former significant other’s jealousy of me having a female climbing partner.  I probably annoyed the hell out of her and made her wonder why she stuck around.  She recently reminded me about the three months of unpleseantness as she weened herself off caffeine, so I guess I had to exercise some patience on my end too (it was a rough period).  We did some competitions together, did a 15K obstacle race (yep, something not climbing related), shared drinks and dinner over some awesome TV shows (seriously, you need to watch Orphan Black), talked about life, our love interests/SO’s, family, and work.  Which leads me to the the source of this post.

As I stated earlier, she is leaving the Baltimore area.  She is going to be with her family and was lucky enough to find a job in short order of her decision to move.  At least I got a month notice to prepare myself.  As a friend I am happy for her to be going where she wants to be.  As a selfish climber, because let’s face it, most of us are, I am hurt that she is leaving.  I was talking with my current significant other a few days ago and realized exactly how much I was hurting.  For me, this is worse than a break-up.  It’s the fear of starting over.  The loss of someone that understands what you need when you are high off the deck and you get it without using words.  Maybe I am being too emotional about this, but I put a lot of stock in the strong bonds that we get to build through this terrific sport.  We become as family to each other.  We will remain friends and if the opportunity arises we will climb together again, but for now we will be separated by a 3 hour flight or 17 hours of driving (I did say in a previous post that I love road trips).  I know that I will make it through because, despite my constant complaining, this community is a fantastic one.  This is not a “there are plenty of fish in the sea” kind of answer, but more along the lines of that family thing; we support each other, and that is the most important part of any relationship.  We shared our last beer together before the move and were just people in time, reminiscing and looking towards the future simultaneously.  I will miss her, the same way we all miss our friends and family when they are away, but at least I can thank her for always being motivated for me even when she was not motivated for herself.  I can thank her for always giving a soft catch and maintaining a good belay, even when some whips ended with me landing on top of her.  I can thank her for always  providing support, sometimes vocal and sometimes silent, but always there for me, a constant in a sea of chaos.

I would now like to to open the floor for actual loss.  My current partner is leaving for a new job and to be closer to family.  I respect and appreciate that, but it still sucks that she is leaving.  But what about people that have had their partner ripped away from them through tragedy.  It could be a climbing related accident or maybe it was a life event that neither of you were prepared for.  I have been fortunate, in that this has never happened to me, but we hear stories with regularity how a brother or sister has fallen and the rest of us are left to pick up the pieces.  The kind of relationships we build are so unique, more so than any other in any sport that I have had the pleasure to take part in or witness.  Look at the outpouring of emotion when one of our community falls.  I cover the Community Losses section of our blog each month and the heartfelt posts by people who have been touched so profoundly by this culture is astounding.  So for this section all I will say is that you should take the time to thank your partner and let them know exactly how much you appreciate all the bullshit that you put them through because you never know if you will get another chance.

I encourage each of you to share your stories with us in the comments or via e-mail at [email protected].  It can be about anything involving a partner, loss to a move, loss to time, loss of life, or even your best story of when you epic-ed for the first time.  Tell us what makes your partner special.

Thanks reading.

-Tylor Streett,

This post was inspired by Caroline Newcombe.  Crank Climbing Team member and an early Crank Climbing supporter.  The Mid-Atlantic is losing a gem, but the Mid-West can put her on their crown.  From all of us here at Crank Climbing and the Baltimore area, we are going to miss you.